


the care and feeding of a two headed cat

by cherubi



Series: Of All the Little Things [1]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Gen, Graphic Depictions of Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-01 05:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16278914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherubi/pseuds/cherubi
Summary: "It's... That thing, it's not right, Cirrus. Mutated. We can't-""Can't what? Save it's life? Maybe it's kind of ugly but so are you, you know."





	1. found

"It's... That thing, it's not right, Cirrus. Mutated. We can't-"

"Can't what? Save it's life? Maybe it's kind of ugly but so are you, you know." 

"Did you not hear me say it's a mutation? We're supposed to eradicate mutations. _All_ mutations. The Brotherhood says-"

"The Brotherhood isn't always right! They're fallible, we all are... I don't care what you or Maxson or whatever other fuckstick thinks, okay? I have a right to do what I want do in my free time. I'm not in uniform, I'm not on the job, fuck the Brotherhood if they think they can make me take an innocent life. Keyword _innocent._ "

"You made a commitment to the Brotherhood that goes beyond what you do on duty. We're your life now, always, maybe you should have thought of that before signing your papers. If you can't or _won't_ kill it then I will. It's more humane to put it out of it's misery than to let it starve or die from infection."

He made for his favorite laser rifle, which was absolutely overkill for the situation, just as Cirrus reached for the sickly kitten. Three pale golden-amber eyes stared up at him, a weak mewling coming from the right head, which appeared stronger over all. The left head was the one missing an eye, and didn't outwardly react to the human pair's actions. The kitten seemed near the edge of death. 

The poor kitten weighed less than the leather gloves Cirrus wore. It barely twitched as it was lifted into a gentle hold, one it could have escaped from had it been healthier. It's fur was covered in filth, fleas and god-knows what else matted through it's long mostly black fur. It's tail had been broken, visibly infected at the break site; the tail most likely would need to be partially amputated or at the very least throughly debrided. 

It clearly needed critical life-saving intervention. With medical equipment and antibiotics and a safe, sterile environment Cirrus didn't have. But he'd make do, and if worst came to worse he'd admit defeat and end the poor kitten's suffering. As much as the thought sickened him, he'd rather give it a less painful death than a slow drawn-out death with thr help of his hands.

"You harm a hair on it's head, I will personally rip all yours out one by one until your whole body is as bald as Deacon's head."

"Cirrus..."

"Don't you Cirrus me! You know I can't let you kill... them. They're still alive... They have a chance at living a good life, I can't give up on them. They're innocent, Danse, all animals are innocent and I can't take an innocent life. If the Brotherhood can't accept that part of me then they can't have me."

There was a long, heavy silence so thick you could hear a whisker off one of the kitten's muzzles hit the ground. Danse just had this look of disappointment laced with something he didn't recogonize etched across his features. It wasn't a good look on him. Cirrus was contemplating walking away in the literal sense when Danse finally broke the pause in their little spat with a whispered promise.

"I won't report this. I believe it's a mistake, I believe that thing is not meant to be alive, but I respect you have certain unbreakable morals and this is one of them. Just don't make taking in strange creatures a habit. I have morals too and this is already pushing it."

Danse reluctantly strapped his rifle back to it's holster. He wasn't happy. He might be serious about his vow of secrecy now but what about when he sees Maxson again? He already made it clear this goes against his morals, and the Brotherhoods code, there's nothing except Cirrus's desperation to stop him from making a point over this. What if he's letting him nurture the kitten back to health so he has proof of his insubordination? There was so many ways this could backfire it made his head spin.

Pushing aside the rush of paranoid thoughts that wanted to make themselves known, Cirrus settled on a simple response, one where his tone conveyed his only-a-tiny-bit-forced sincerity rather the words themselves.

"Thank you."

He only received a curt nod in reply but that was more than enough. So, kitten tucked against his chest, he closed his eyes and wondered how he was going to take care of another life when he could barely keep his own together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper is a two-headed classic tuxedo cat, the right head is much more 'active' and the decision-maker, while the left head is more docile and just there for kicks (also is missing the inner eye). They are incredibly attatched to and protective of Cirrus and frequently can be seen following him on less dangerous missions.
> 
> Also, I have a [Tumblr](http://cherubi.tumblr.com)!


	2. fixed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't really have anything to say to that."
> 
> "Then don't say anything. We can stop talking now, if that would be more comfortable for you."

Danse didn't come back to the bunker with him. He'd said something about heading to the Prydwen to receive his next mission, but they had a perfectly functional radio at home, so Cirrus knew it was for his own benefit. Danse was giving him time to cool off so he didn't blow. Which he appreciated and hated at the same time. 

But it didn't matter. He wanted time to think alone. Time to think about all the shit he couldn't while on duty.

The minute he pulled to the heavy door with a sharp click, he ran his fingers through the kitten's fur. They were soft beneath all the grime, Cirrus noticed in a detached sense. He was riding on autopilot still. Shocked Danse let him keep them, shocked he promised to try to keep himself in check over the situation. Surprised at his own morals making a showing after all this time. 

He was conflicted, to say the least. Felt like his whole world was slanting sideways for the second time over. Like maybe he was still locked in a cryogenic chamber and this was all a nightmare. He couldn't help himself, couldn't keep from fucking up every good thing in his life. He was pushing Danse away, and subsequently the Brotherhood, over his own feelings. 

It was less about the kitten themself and more that the kitten was the catalysis for his current train wreck of a mindset. He was supposed to be able to put aside his personal hang ups and do what the Brotherhood needed him to do, but he ignored not only the Brotherhood but his closest confidant in doing... Whatever it was he was doing now. 

Right, the kitten. Time flip the switch to think later and work fast while there was still a chance... He wound up in the bathroom without it fully registering, it wasn't the best environment for this situation, but it was better than anywhere else in the place. There was a persistent layer of dust that would never come off, and he didn't have time to wipe down the whole room, so while unideal he scrubbed the counter best he could manage with the kitten still under his arm.

"You better be worth the effort you terrible, tiny bastard. I'm risking getting shit from Maxson himself for you."

The kitten didn't respond. Of course they didn't. Cirrus really was losing his marbles, talking to an animal like that. But he kept speaking anyway, just to fill the silence.

"You sort of need a name, huh? I guess if you live I'll have to keep you. You'd just get your ass kicked again if I don't."

Cirrus laid the kitten out in the rusted out bucket sink he'd placed a few mostly clean, fluffy towels down in. The poor thing didn't so much as twitch a whisker. They looked... Very near death. Or at least near comatose. He'd need to work fast, and effectively. But Cirrus's thought's still wandered. 

"I thought about changing my name to Ace. But Cirrus is stuck to me like an old sticker. So maybe that? Ace?"

Rolling open the pack of medical instruments to sterilize them the best he could with such limited supplies, he shook a lock of hair from his eyes and sighed. He forgot to wash his hands. But that was okay, because it's not like the water here was the pinnacle of cleanliness anyway.

"Actually, Ace is too important to me. If you don't make it... You understand. What about Bandit? Too cliché? Yeah, I thought so too. Nox? Viper? Porkchop? Any of these click for you?"

The snap of latex-free gloves reverberated around the small room. He almost suggested Deacon as a name, but that was way too on the nose for him. It would be weird. Obsessive. Stalker-ish. He really needed to bury this little crush of his before it got out of hand. Perry pulled a fine-toothed comb from a drawer; he wanted to groom the kitten before working on anything else.

"Zeus? Odin? No. You're right, maybe something... Oh... Shit, I didn't even check if you're actually a male! You know what they say about making assumptions..."

A quick under-the-tail check confirmed Cirrus's suspicions. He took the time to brush and trim the fur there, too. He worked the tangles as gentle as he could, but the kitten still mewled weakly at the sharp tugging of the comb. 

"Riley? Jas-per?"

The kitten's right head sneezed right at the first syllable of Jasper. It sniffled, snot bubbling around it's half-pink nose. Cirrus wiped it with his sleeve, which wasn't exactly sterile, but he didn't want to leave to get something more suitable. He was still very much on cruise control, not truly thinking beyond his idly tangential train of thought and the task literally at hand. He'd gotten the worst of the mats out of the kitten's fur by now.

"Jasper? Well, alright. That works."

Running the comb one last time through the now-softer fur at the scruff, he smiled reflexively at how... Cute they were. With their amber eyes glazed over but still gazing at him and the barely noticeable ear twitches when his fingers grazed behind one. The two scrunchy faces that looked perpetually grumpy, even as small and harmless as they were. It felt foreign to smile, and he couldn't tell if it was in a good way or not. But he did, and he knew he'd be smiling for Jasper a lot if they pulled through. This was a special one, that was crystal clear.

"Hey. Do you need help?"

"Fucking hell! Danse, what the fuck? What are you doing here? I thought you had to talk to Elder Maxson."

"I do... But you felt so strongly about this, and... Well, anyway I turned around before I went too far. I couldn't leave you to deal with this alone. I don't condone saving mutants, but you were right about not taking an innocent life... A kitten isn't the same as ghoul or Super Mutant. I don't like anything about the situation, but I'll help you. If you want me to. If you need it, I mean... Not that I'm unconfidant in your abilities, I just..." 

He trailed off into an awkward sort of semi-silence that held Cirrus's chest in a vice. It didn't surprise him Danse came back, not really, but it _did_ surprise him he was willing to set aside his beliefs to aid him. After all, Danse himself was the one who said the Brotherhood owned him even outside of the line of duty. It wasn't like him to make a hypocrite of himself, but Cirrus could let it slide for the moment seeing that it benefited him. He'd have words with Danse about it later. Probably. Maybe. 

Or maybe not. He was already putting off so many important conversations for the sake of his emotional comfort, so what was one more? 

"Yeah. I get what you're saying. Appreciate it, Danse."

"So... Is there anything I can do?"

"You can hold them, they're not going to like what I have to do next. No, keep them standing, just support them... Turn them so they'e facing you..." 

"Them?" 

"Well, they have two heads, so I figure calling them an 'it' wouldn't be accurate. I guess mentally I think of each head as it's own 'it', though. They're called Jasper now, by the way." 

"You're the strangest person I've ever met. In a good way, but the point stands." 

"So I've been told... Though the 'in a good way' part is new."

Cirrus half-feared Danse would go back on his word and crush the fragile creature. He never fully trusted anybody before and he sure as hell wasn't starting now. Objectively, out of everybody he knew well enough to call a friend, Danse was by far the most trustworthy. If pressed, he would even say Danse was his best friend. But this was something else entirely, not a matter of his own heart but of a life. And Danse's priority number one was following Brotherhood rhetoric to the letter. 

And that was just it, wasn't it? Danse was a true Brotherhood bleeder. He was everything Cirrus tried so hard to be, to achieve, but couldn't. His moral code didn't always align with the Brotherhood's, which was entirely the reason he was here at all.

It finally struck him that he was betraying Maxson's orders to care for a runt of a kitten who very possibly could die despite his intervention. 

Maybe Deacon was right. Maybe he didn't have to abandon all his morals to be a part of something bigger, something better... To be more. No, he didn't particularly like synths. Or ghouls. Definitely not Super Mutants. In fact, he didn't like them at all, really. He'd killed enough of them to be sure of that. But he did believe in helping people, which the Railroad did in a roundabout way. Not to mention they also wanted to take out the Institute, which was something he could fully support. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, to leave the Brotherhood. 

_He could be with Deacon if he did._

"Cirrus? You still in there?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry."

Danse gave him a funny look, like he just realized he had a screw loose. Most of his screws loose, honestly. He ignored the odd expression in favor of pouring rubbing alcohol on a gauze pad.

"Okay now, Jasper, this is going to sting like a bitch. But you're tough, so you can handle it. And if you have to bite one of us, bite the asshole holding you."

He popped open a long needle, one which only displayed 'M rph' on the faded label, that he hoped actually contained pain medication. It'd been capped, and seemed clean, but he wouldn't put it past a raider to do something weird like recap a needle with something less compatible with life in it. It was too late to look for a backup, so this would have to work.

Luckily, Jasper didn't bite Danse, though he would have laughed his ass off at the irony if they had, instead just yelping a little as the needle slipped into the skin at their scruff. He stopped the plunger at about the 1/4th mark.

It worked. Within maybe three or four minutes the kitten's knees buckled and eyelids drooped. But they didn't go unconscious. That was the outcome he was hoping for.

"Perfect."

"You're good at this."

"Taught myself first aid. Figured being military I'd need it, either for myself or... Well, anyway, the basics still apply to most animals. Mammals, at least."

"Oh."

"You have no idea what a mammal is do you?"

"None at all."

"Animal class. Warm-blooded animals, animals that give birth and nurse. For the most part."

"So, humans are included?"

"You're a fast learner." 

Cirrus internally flinched seeing how bad the wound on Jasper's tail had gotten. Festering, very obviously infected. He didn't want to amputate but...

"You can handle this, right?

"Yes. I've never been in this position but it can't be any worse that dealing with field injuries... Or is it? Like I said, never had to do this before."

"In simple terms, I have to scrape the infection out. So, if you need to puke or whatever leave the room first. I don't have the resourses to resterilze."

"Thanks for the overwhelmingly compassionate bedside manner, Doctor."

Danse wasn't often sarcastic, but when he was it was cutting. Sharp, precise, and usually very quick-witted quips that'd normally have Cirrus in stitches. But this wasn't normal, and it wasn't a great time to burst out laughing, so his little jab went unacknowledged. Plus, there was something Cirrus had been wanting to say that he still didn't have worded the way he hoped, but enough was already being left unsaid he figured Danse deserved to hear this at the very least.

"Danse... I'm not great at talking feelings but... I just wanted to thank you. For doing this. You didn't have to." 

"Not to put too fine a point on it but you're a good, honest person and I know you wouldn't be here if you didn't feel like it was the only option. I still think it's... Well, for lack of a better term this is fucked up, but I believe in you enough to stand by you though this anyway."

"I don't really have anything to say to that."

"Then don't say anything. We can stop talking now, if that would be more comfortable for you."

Cirrus nodded, then carefully pressed the scalpel around the edges of the wound, working outside to inside. The smell, already bad before, was almost unbearable after the first incision. But he kept at it, because nobody else would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think pretty much nobody keeps track of animal classes and similar 'trivial' book-smarts stuff post-war, except maybe certain types who try to preserve old world knowledge. So, while Danse can be considered intelligent and even well-read, he wouldn't know a lot of the things Cirrus does simply because of lack of exposure. 
> 
> Also, Cirrus's crush on Deacon... Rough shit, isn't it? Unrequieted crushes SUCK and I'm sending big love to everybody else going though it. I hope everything works out for you guys in the end!


	3. favored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The silence was deafening, and it was all the answer either of them needed.

Jasper barely, barely, just barely by the skin of their teeth pulled through. Even Danse looked concerned about the state of their wrecked body, which while a step forward was a strange thing to see. Cirrus spent a lot of time pacing, wearing down himself and the concrete below his feet. The atmosphere was cold and couldn't be more tension filled until Jasper finally, finally perked up.

It was a small change at first. Something you wouldn't notice unless you looked for it; but it was there, the first inklings that Jasper was alive and starting to pull their own weight.

Cirrus argued with Danse even more than usual, because despite his initial worry over Jasper he was still firmly opposed to keeping them. He never had strong relationships with people, and it scared him to think he'd be willing to push a person away over a cat, but he would. He would and if that's what it took to make Danse get the point then that was that.

"You're serious about keeping it?" 

Danse had asked with a questioning tone, but it wasn't a question.

"You know I am. I'm so sick of fighting over this, Danse, just... Stop. You can hate my decision all you want but stop bringing it up. You can't change my mind. And they're not an 'it', they're a they."

"I don't understand why. Why do you want to keep i- them? It's not like they can offer anything except taking up resources and time better spent on the Brotherhood."

"The two aren't mutually exclusive!"

" _Yes,_ Cirrus, they are! Mutations are mutations are mutations! All of them, even ones that take the shape of a cat! You should have let that thing die before you got attached." 

"Maybe you should have pulled your head out of your ass before it got attached." 

"And now you're going to use petty insults like a child? This is why you're so miserable! You won't let anybody help you!"

"How does killing a defenseless animal help me? Or make me less miserable? I'm fucking miserable because I was frozen for 200 years and being stuck with your worthless ass over somebody I actually like! I'm miserable because my wife is dead, my child is missing, and because you want to argue with me over a fucking cat! The real question is why you won't just leave if you're so against this whole situation anyway."

"It's the principal of it, Cirrus. You can't commit to the Brotherhood if you're willing to make exceptions. I know what I said before, about sticking by your side through this, but I thought...

"You thought what? You thought I'd change my opinion on needless murder? Of course you did, what am I thinking, you're the biggest thick-skulled _idiot_ I have ever laid eyes on an-"

"I thought you cared about me enough to take my advice to reconsider."

"Oh, so now this is about you, huh? My actions are all reflective of disrespect? My father tried to shove the same rhetoric down my throat my entire life, you have to try harder than that, partner." 

Cirrus felt the flush creep up the back of his neck and through his chest. He knew the fight was useless, that it wouldn't lead anywhere productive, but he also knew why he was doing it. This wasn't about Danse, or about Jasper, or because he was miserable.

It was because he wished Deacon was there with him instead.

It was because he knew Deacon would support him instead of trying to cut him down.

"Look, I'm done arguing. If you want to leave, then feel free. Either way I have somewhere I need to go. Alone. I'm taking Jasper, they're not really ready for a move like this but I can tell I don't have a choice, because if I stay here I will kill one of us and I still have too much to do on this Earth for it to be me."

Cirrus looked up in time to catch the crushed expression on Danse's face, which was confusing for a multitude of reasons considering what had took place moments before; but when their eyes met he knew neither of them would budge on this. For now at least. Danse tended to be a bit of a pushover if you got him to look at the issue in a certain light. 

"You're leaving now?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I am. It's not ideal but there's something... I just have some stuff I need to think about, okay? I don't think this argument was really about what I thought it was and I... I just... Need time."

Nothing else was said, not while Cirrus packed what little stuff he had in this bunker, and not when his hands where laid on the frame of the door. 

The silence was deafening, and it was all the answer either of them needed.


End file.
